ACTIVITY UNLOVE
The gaining weight results from imbalance between energy intake and energy use.It causes shortening of life by leading to the formation of various diseases which are related to obesity.It is one of the most important health problems in the era.
There are just three months between the development of operating systems which turn the computers into really enjoyable game sites and the start date of the first obesity research in United States.This is certainly not a coincidence.We are in a time when everything is done by sitting such as banking,food orders,video conversations,online games and so on.We have escalators,walking floors and even elavators in our houses.We get into the metro at the airport almost without touching the ground with our feet.
All of these things cause lack of physical activity and because of this,we have the potential for weight gain.We must take care of this topic and we must not keep pace with such an environment.
*** activity.Because of this == fragment
YanıtlaSil*** and even elavators in == spelling
Dear Cansu
I like your journal very much. This is an up to date topic. The content of your journal is quite good. You expressed yourselves effectively. Also, as you gave specific examples about the topic, your journal is more attracted. The picture which you chose for this journal is so related to the topic. These days are different from old days. People’s life habits have changed so much. The content of your journal is quite good. Also your journal is well-organized. You grouped the same thoughts in the same paragraphs. This is good point of your journal. However, there are some minor mistakes. In my opinion these are inadvertent mistakes. I indicated them above. When you correct them, your journal will be more perfect. Good job. Congratulations